Written on:Friday November 14, 2008
I bet you all wanna know what I did for Halloween right?
Well actually not because very few people actually visit this site, but don’t worry because nothing special happened.
I don’t know enough people for parties and I decided it wouldn’t be best if my very first ever all ages club event was a Halloween event. Maybe next year.
Now though, I have a bunch of club websites so I could easily find out about events. There’s one tomorrow but that’s the day of my SCHOOL DANCE :D. There’s also another one on December 13 at the Govurnment, December 23rd at CiRCa, and again December 28th at Luxy Club. If anyone wants to go with me feel free to msg.
Anyways, I had a lot of homework and a lot of hockey, so I couldn’t find enough time to sarge. On Saturday I went, but my fire died down by then and I couldn’t approach (didn’t have that much time anyway.) I went again on Monday (P.A. Day). My wingman couldn’t come (again) and so I had to approach alone. I kept on getting blown out. It was fun. Until I met my very first mother-hen.
She killed me. She devoured me. She raped me in the ass, shoved a pen up my cock and left me there sobbing. It was terrible :’(
Okay maybe not but she still fucked me pretty bad! I approached this 2-set of girls in front of me, walked ahead of them, listened a bit to what they said until one of them said “fuck,” and that’s my queue.
I’m serious right when one of them said fuck I turned around and told them not to use that kind of language with me. Then we kept on saying fuck to each other until the mother hen asked me “who are you I don’t even know you?” I tell her my name is Prince Charming, and then her really hot blue-eyed friend dilated her eyes and opened her mouth like she was about to take in a can-sized cock and exclaimed “OMG! I’m Princess Lula!” At this point the mother hen says “Okay I’m walking ahead” and speeds up, I wrap my arm around Princess Lula and say “So Princess,-” but I couldn’t get anywhere because I was interrupted by this stupid coq-block shouts back “You have a boyfriend! Omg don’t even try anything stupid just leave!” and obviously the hot girl chooses her friend over me.
Right in front of the whole mall too. This was a one-strip mall so all she shop keepers now know me as the guy who got shot down. Thanks a lot ho.
I decided that mall was done for me after that, went to Promenade, saw a guy from my hockey team, left, went back to Hillcrest, and saw this other guy that used to go to my school. At this point it was 6:30 and I had to leave if I wanted to make it back to watch PRISON BREAK. So I came back home numberless.
Looking back at that last approach, instead of saying “hey don’t use that language around me” I could have said “Hey, I noticed you said the word fuck and I couldn’t help but come over here and talking to you. Whenever a cute girl needs me like that I have to respond. What’s your name?” or spin it around to something sexual like that. The possibilities are endless.
Now today is Wednesday. Tomorrow’s my school dance. You know I gotta get my shit together. My wingman does too. Lucky for him, he was able to join me on this marvelous occasion.
We arrive at Markville Mall. Lots of hunnies, but I am just plain STARVING. We order Taco Bell, eat, and then I decide I have to take a shit real bad. This was happy hour too.
By the time I’m done, there are practically no more sets left. We’re walking around this empty mall with absolutely no one in sight. Until we see a juicy two-set of blondes :D
My boy Duke is up first. He goes direct on their ass, but then chodes out when he realizes he actually knows them. FUCK MARKVILLE! But something good came out of it. He realizes him knowing them could have played to his advantage rather than a handicap. Maybe next time bro.
So we continue to walk around and guess who we see?
A few posts back I mentioned something about opening the can and talking to the hottest girl at my school. She was there :). But I kept on getting her name wrong (on purpose I wanted to see how well it works). Immediately, our first instinct is to run like little pansies. But not today.
Instead we decide to hide and create a plan of attack. Originally I wanted to go up to her (my buddy doesn’t know her) and pretend that I was going to pick her up and had absolutely no idea that I already knew her. Until a 3 set comes by.
Now instead I decide to use my holly-grail of pick up lines, talk to the 3 set first, possible numbers close them, and then head off to Hottie McFottie so that she sees me getting girls. The only problem is that the 3 set is ordering from the fucking Yogen Fruiz stand. Once they’re done, they decide to sit RIGHT in front of the hot girl. Now we can’t go talk to the hot girl because we’re not that good friends and I can’t engage the three set because if it goes horribly wrong the hot girl will bear witness. I decide to pretend I’m talking on my phone and head out of our hiding place with our dignity in tact. Sort of…
This mall is really boring. Absolutely no action comes our way. We are tired and my wingman is carrying a sling bag. That’s some tiring shit. So he offers me to wear it for him. Aww what a gentlemen!
But seriously, him asking me to carry the sling bag just makes me that much more in love with him. Because that is when the stroke of genius comes in. I just came up with an opener.
Of course now I’m 20x more determined to test out my new opener. It’s fucking brilliant. I’m walking on the lower floor until I spot the three set previously ordering at Yogen Fruiz sitting on a bench upstairs. I walk upstairs, head to the girls, and use my newly-made opener for the first time:
Pairo: “Hey, I’ll give you $5 if you could guess what’s in this bag” (Hold the sling bag)
Hot Babe: “Well, could we feel it?”
Pairo: “Sure”
(Hot Babe & Moderate Friend feel the bag like it’s a sac of balls)
Hot Babe: “Is it a bag?”
Pairo: “A bag in a bag. You guys are smart.”
Moderate Friend: “I feel a pencil. Is it a pencil?”
Pairo: There could be a pencil in there but what’s the main thing?”
(Hot babe talks on cellphone out of nowhere)
Moderate Friend: “Well can you tell us what’s in it?”
Pairo: “I’ll tell you what. You guys are pretty cute; so why don’t you give me your number and I’ll call you and tell you what’s in the bag.”
Hot Babe: (Intrigued and no longer on her phone) “How old are you?”
Fatty who has up until now remained silent: “Stephanie! You have a boyfriend!”
Hot Babe (Stephanie): “Alright we’ll give you our facebooks okay?”
Pairo: “Alright”
….aaaand done.
Now obviously the interaction didn’t go exactly like that but the opener generally worked in that way. We also made small talk about what high school they go to. After they gave me their names on my cellphone, I left and they asked me right before I leave if I’m going to tell them what was in the bag. I said no.
Looking back, I should have said “Well do you want me to be completely honest?” and they would say yes at this point. Then I say “I have no clue ;)” and shoot them a wink. It would have been a lot smoother but hey, why do we go out in the field? To learn.
I also came up with a couple other openers. Now I’m back in the habbit of going out and picking up chicks. I have a pretty good collection of openers and can’t wait to use them. I loooove picking up chicks. And I seem to be getting the “You have a boyfriend” card a lot! Looks like I’ll have to be extra vigilant with the next one.
Till then have fun guys,
Pairo
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